When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize