I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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