I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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