Im at strip club and am horny
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
