wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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