No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
