Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
