worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
