tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
