I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
