I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
