dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize