She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
