she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
