my phone needs a breathalizer
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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