shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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