i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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