I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
