ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
