Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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