There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
