I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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