I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
