Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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