that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
