Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
