My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize