i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
