so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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