Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
