Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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