Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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