i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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