Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize