Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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