You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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