just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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