she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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