It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
