Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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