dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
