Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.