Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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