we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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