I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.