Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.