Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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(518): View more from New York

I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

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(618): View more from Illinois

i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face

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(979): View more from Texas

Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again

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(301): View more from Maryland

Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

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(516): View more from New York

I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.

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