I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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