make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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