she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
