so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
