Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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