WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
