I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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