i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry about my life...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
