We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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