I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
