I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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