would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
