I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
