i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize