You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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