We're facebook friends in real life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
