I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
