I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
