i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize