holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
