4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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