I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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