At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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