how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
