dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
