The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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