Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
