Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
