Where did you get a picture of my penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The air was thick with penises
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
