they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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