I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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