I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
