I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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