i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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