Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
