She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
