i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
