Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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